Friday, July 11, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Here he is ready for school. The bright green sunglasses from his Sonic kids meal make the outfit!
Christmas was a lot of fun with him this year. He put a gift bag on his head cause it made him look more like an elf. LOL
He insisted that he wore the "ear warmer" cause his ears were cold. Yeah...I can see how it helps sitting on top of his ears like that. ROFL!
My favorite. The superhero phase. So much fun. Life can't get much better than when you can run around in your undies and socks with a pillowcase pinned around your neck and everyone thinks you are adorable.
There was a time when Clint and I were REALLY running from God full speed ahead. There was no peace. We went through the motions of being married...being parents.....being Christians.....
I remember for a few months all I could do is cry. My heart was heavy and I had no idea WHAT could fix it. I've always wanted to "fix" everything and everyone--you get the picture.
I am ashamed to say that I lived in a very "zombie-like" state for weeks. I would cry constantly. I would do the bare necessities to taking care of my family. Sometimes to the point of neglect.
I remember one day I was so mad at God. All I needed was an answer to "How do I fix this?!"
I went to my bedroom because I didn't want to completely crumble in front of my boys. I locked the door and just sobbed. This presence came into my room and although I was crying--there was a peace. God spoke to me clearer than I have ever heard before. He said when your relationship with your husband isn't "right" you will do whatever it takes to fix it. Why don't you feel that way about your relationship with Me?
God was just trying to get me to fully commit to Him.
A few days later I broke when my pastor asked how Clint was. (He hadnt went to church with us that morning.) All I could mutter between tears and sobs was "Pray for us"
It seemed the whole world was against me. But then I thought back to what God had spoke to me. I decided then that no matter what happened to my marriage---I had to live for God. With or without my husband. That really hurts when you love someone so much that you are willing to move on without them. Its certainly not what I wanted to do. I knew God wasn't asking that of me at that time--but I just needed to be more commited to "my first love" than my husband.
Anyway. I wish I could say things instantly got better. It didn't. It got a whole lot worse. But God broke us. God stripped us of our pride in that time. He brought us to a point where we HAD to make some life altering choices.
We worked on us. We worked on ourselves as indivduals and as a couple.
I can say I have never been happier in my marriage.
So my point in posting this.....I think God is wanting more from us in our relationship with Him. He is wanting to take us to another level--but to get us there we need "refined"
Its gonna take work. Possibly some tears. But in the end--It will be worth it.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I am a small town girl who married her high school sweetheart. I have four kids--Bryen, 11, Chase, 9, Dylan 6, and Eric 5.
God called my husband into ministry fairly early into our marriage. I joke about how God called him after we were married otherwise I would have never married him...lol Its just something I wasn't prepared to be called to do. Still to this day I feel like God made a HUGE mistake..lol Like most in ministry--we ran from the call. Right now we are feeling our way through and letting God direct our steps. Who knows where we will end up but part of me is excited to see where this journey leads.
At this time we are youth ministers at Crossroads UPC. We have an incredible group of kids. When we took the position we gained 15 more "kids" They are our heart. Check em out--www.myspace.com/wiredyouthministries
This blog is daily musings from my journey of discovering who God wants me to become. Like the old phrase--Im not who I was---or who I am suppose to be. Its such an honor that God would call me to do anything for Him. I was such a mess! Who am I kidding...I STILL AM!
Im raising four young men--I may have a future evangelist, pastor, youth minister---or a rare man that is just content working behind the scenes raising his own family in truth-- in my home. Its nothing we should ever take lightly--but some days we just miss the mark and forget.
Everything in my life is great--I have an awesome husband, good kids--the new home we have been praying for. But admist all of that my heart is hungry for more. (Not more children or a new husband mind you...lol ) But I feel like there is more He has in store for us.
There are times like now where I just simply can not find the words to speak--no eloquent prayers--nothing. I just don't know where this path is taking me and all I can do is trust that He is in control.
I have learned that music is so very very healing in these times though. Songs speak the words my heart feels when I don't have the strength to say a word.....
My current favorite is All I can Say by David Crowder Band. Its on my playlist...Give it a listen....