Always Looking Up

Who knew!?!?

2010-04-13T10:21:00.000-05:00

Dylan is a very quiet kid. We thought he was just painfully shy. He rarely speaks to adults unless its me or Clint. He will go into "meltdown mode" when he is socially uncomfortable.

We took him in for a routine dr visit. Just a check up--no biggie! After noticing some of his behaviors (no eye contact, refusal to get on the table--just plain irritable) she suggested getting him tested for autism.

It literally took my breath away--I think I sucked all the air out of the room. I wasn't processing it well and thought it was highly unlikely. She said she would make an appointment.

Later when they didn't call me about with a time and day--I didn't bother calling back. I had looked on the internet and my son wasn't like some of the kids I saw! Far from it! He is a straight A student!

A few months passed and I got a phone call. Normally a call checking on the well being of a patient is welcome but when I told her I hadn't followed through--I got a lecture...lol Kindly but I also realized what her concerns were.

She made an appointment and told me to do some more research focusing on Aspergers or high functioning autism.

I did.

And I saw Dylan.

The worst part was thinking my son was "sick" or "disabled" They don't know the kid I know. They don't see the giant progresses he has made this year! They don't know what we have overcame!

I was soon reminded of the road ahead. 3rd grade. A huge transition in elementary school. Especially for a child with social challenges. So I took him to his scheduled appointment last Wednesday.

A lot of the questions weren't my son. There were some that described him to a T. Quirky things I thought were just that...quirky.

In the end I saw Dylan differently. A strong willed child that has overcame many obstacles that we take for granted. A child with a bright future and family that loves him--quirks and all. A child with high functioning autism.

New look!

2010-02-26T14:13:00.000-06:00

I debated deleting this account and starting over....but I figured it would be easier to just give it a new look!

Its been a long time!

2010-02-24T11:24:00.003-06:00

It has been a long time since I have blogged. Not that I have many following...lol

Many things have happened since my last post. We are in a new season in our life. We resigned as youth leadership---even changed churches--this fall. We are use to home missions churches and the church we were attending wasn't that--but it was a small congregation. We tend to thrive in that environment.

Without going into detail--after lots of prayer we knew it was time to move on. We now attend CLC. We love it but the size is a bit intimidating. That is taking a while to get use to. In time I know it will seem silly that its this overwhelming to us now..lol

Another thing that happened is something that has completely changed my life. My sister found out she was pregnant and during a routine screening realized her baby may have Trisomy 18. Anyone that is familiar with this genetic disorder knows its "incompatible with life"

It was a scary thing for my sister and her husband to go through. Im not an emotional person but this broke me in ways I could not even imagine.

I live a little ways away from my sister but I supported her in the only way I knew how--phone calls.

Two weeks ago today we got to meet little Madyson Nicole. She was beautiful! Although she only lived around 40 minutes---those minutes with her were treasured. My life has been changed by her. I don't take the little things for granted anymore. And the "big stressors" in my life don't seem as significant. I hug my boys a little tighter and appreciate my family more than I thought I could.

I feel like right now is a turning point in my life and Im learning who I am and who God wants me to be. We never imagined ourselves in this place--and I know it seems like chaos to us but I know it all fits perfectly into God's plan.

so...if you will...keep my family in prayer during this time while we discover God's will in our lives.

My prayer for today

2008-10-28T12:09:00.000-05:00

Its been a while..

2008-10-22T14:28:00.003-05:00

Im feeling like I have finally accomplished something...I changed my background on my blog without technical assistance!!! LOL

Its raining hard outside and I have a cake in the oven. I have been cooking and baking up a storm! Fall is in full swing. Im a bit bummed that we won't be making it to any fall parties this year--Clint has to work the night the church has theirs planned and I have prior obligations that night that I can't get out of. I guess we will have to be creative.

Speaking of the season...deer season. Last night I was headed into town on MAIN street....The car in front of me stopped and there was a BUCK in the street. It ran full speed ahead and hit a storefront window--bounced off and ran into the one next door. It hit another window and decided to just run down the sidewalk. I was in such shock to see a deer in town that I forgot I had my camera in my purse.

I forgot to mention the newest member of my family! I have a new nephew--Cody Garrett. I'll post pics soon!

The Invisible Woman

2008-09-23T09:27:00.004-05:00

insert clever title here

2008-09-22T09:16:00.003-05:00

Clint just found out his sister is going to have a baby!! We are very excited about that. She and her husband were home for a visit so we headed back to visit with them yesterday. I have to say--I really do love my sister in laws. I am blessed to have them. My husband has never been real emotional but I honestly don't think his eyes were irritated and red when we left from something getting in his eye or whatever --I think he was truly sad to have to leave.

His mom made mention of selling her place and the price she rattled off was ridiculously cheap. It would be a perfect home for us but we have got to pray--God's will overrides what our heart desires. Even though we are going through a really tough time here and it would be so easy to pack up and head back.

In other news--the boys had a long day--they played hard and then we got home a whole lot later than planned. needless to say, we were late this morning...lol

When we got home last night the boys were starving. Here their grandma had a ton of food but they didn't touch anything but some grapes! My mother in law isn't the greatest of cooks and my boys have made many comments to us about "gma cant cook at all!" They have never ate a whole lot at her house. Yesterday was different though. She did a fairly good job but I couldn't convince the boys of that. They only wanted grapes that they knew gma hadn't tainted. LOL

FYI...

2008-09-20T08:43:00.004-05:00

I buried my phone in a bowl of rice and prayed for a resurrection. It didn't happen. *sigh*

Guess Ill check out ebay or craigslist and see if I can find a cheap replacement.

Im awake way too early for a Saturday morning. Our dog apparently ran off admist the chaos around here last night. All kinds of neighbor kids were playing football in the backyard. But I noticed she was missing when she didn't scratch on my bedroom door this morning to be let out.

She is just a laid back dog and in the evenings you find her normally on one of the boys beds sleeping. There is probably no way she found rest in one of those rooms last night. Chase had a friend over and i think they played every video game imaginable. Kinda sad no one noticed she was missing! Anyway. We are off to search for Daisy. Wish us luck!

R.I.P. good friend.....

2008-09-18T09:26:00.000-05:00

Well Im almost certain its official. My bestest good friend of the past nine months has passed on. It was such an untimely death. A five year old and water--need I say more?

And so it begins...

2008-09-16T19:15:00.000-05:00

I hated the idea of my oldest in middle school. He has always been a fairly mellow kid....at least in public...lol He has a lot of friends and has been pretty popular in the schools he has went to. It just doesn't seem time for him to be a "preteen"

Last week he got beat up!!! Now I never prepared myself for the feelings I could feel towards a 12 year old boy that hit my son. That protective momma spirit sprung up in me! I wanted to rip the punk from limb to limb!

It didn't take long though and when I found out it was a severly troubled kid that I somewhat know--I hurt for him. His parents basically leave him to fend for himself. He runs the streets at all hours. He has no one to teach him--no one to love him.....

Its not fair he has been dealt a bad hand in life. I pray someone steps into his life and loves him.

WOOOO GLORAY!

2008-09-04T00:37:00.000-05:00

Ive had a rough night to say the least. I couldn't sleep so I decided to check up on some blogs I follow.

Earlier I had entered to win a book over at We are THAT family-- Grace Based Parenting--and I WON!

Woot Woot!

Something I forgot to share

2008-08-26T13:43:00.000-05:00

This school year has been rough. My oldest is in middle school now and Im feeling too old. I shouldn't have a child that age. honestly--I shouldn't but yeah..things happen. My youngest is only in pre-k so Im still holding on to those sweet years I have left..lol

Anyway. So Eric (5) is sitting on the couch this morning before school and he says "mom, I will always be your little boy. I am just getting taller!"

Oh...what a concept! I pray it rings true! I would love for him to be my little boy forever but it sure looks like they are growing up into young men.

Pure Chaos!

2008-08-26T12:14:00.000-05:00

I'm a bad blogger--its been too long since I wrote a post! Life has been incredibly busy and chaotic!

Ever get to a point where you feel like a bundle of nerves inside? There is so much confusion--yet you know God is in the midst--and you are just trusting Him. That's where Im at right now. Im just wondering when its all going to meld together and work for His glory!

So I drop of the kids at school and Im working through all these detours they have downtown so I can make my way home. (All these one way streets are CRAZY! I don't think I will ever get use to them!!) A song I have heard MANY times before comes on but this time I really listen to the lyrics. It was like everything that had been reeling in my mind the past month just flowed out through the music. It was beautiful!

The lyrics....

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't seebut
I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is
You want from me
I give everything I surrender...To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of meIt feels like chaos but now I can see

This *is* something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time *to* breathe in and let everything out

Its never dull at my house

2008-07-11T13:23:00.000-05:00

This is from a few weeks ago but I couldn't help but share.
You just can't let a good mud hole go to waste!

A little comic relief--my son

2008-07-09T17:02:00.000-05:00

My youngest son, Eric, is always a source of entertainment. So I thought I would post some pictures so you can have a little glimpse into our world.

Here he is ready for school. The bright green sunglasses from his Sonic kids meal make the outfit!

Christmas was a lot of fun with him this year. He put a gift bag on his head cause it made him look more like an elf. LOL

He insisted that he wore the "ear warmer" cause his ears were cold. Yeah...I can see how it helps sitting on top of his ears like that. ROFL!

My favorite. The superhero phase. So much fun. Life can't get much better than when you can run around in your undies and socks with a pillowcase pinned around your neck and everyone thinks you are adorable.

Broken

2008-07-09T15:43:00.000-05:00

I don't know why God has taken me back to this spot today during prayer. But He did.

There was a time when Clint and I were REALLY running from God full speed ahead. There was no peace. We went through the motions of being married...being parents.....being Christians.....

I remember for a few months all I could do is cry. My heart was heavy and I had no idea WHAT could fix it. I've always wanted to "fix" everything and everyone--you get the picture.

I am ashamed to say that I lived in a very "zombie-like" state for weeks. I would cry constantly. I would do the bare necessities to taking care of my family. Sometimes to the point of neglect.

I remember one day I was so mad at God. All I needed was an answer to "How do I fix this?!"

I went to my bedroom because I didn't want to completely crumble in front of my boys. I locked the door and just sobbed. This presence came into my room and although I was crying--there was a peace. God spoke to me clearer than I have ever heard before. He said when your relationship with your husband isn't "right" you will do whatever it takes to fix it. Why don't you feel that way about your relationship with Me?

God was just trying to get me to fully commit to Him.

A few days later I broke when my pastor asked how Clint was. (He hadnt went to church with us that morning.) All I could mutter between tears and sobs was "Pray for us"

It seemed the whole world was against me. But then I thought back to what God had spoke to me. I decided then that no matter what happened to my marriage---I had to live for God. With or without my husband. That really hurts when you love someone so much that you are willing to move on without them. Its certainly not what I wanted to do. I knew God wasn't asking that of me at that time--but I just needed to be more commited to "my first love" than my husband.

Anyway. I wish I could say things instantly got better. It didn't. It got a whole lot worse. But God broke us. God stripped us of our pride in that time. He brought us to a point where we HAD to make some life altering choices.

We worked on us. We worked on ourselves as indivduals and as a couple.

I can say I have never been happier in my marriage.

So my point in posting this.....I think God is wanting more from us in our relationship with Him. He is wanting to take us to another level--but to get us there we need "refined"

Its gonna take work. Possibly some tears. But in the end--It will be worth it.

A little more about myself

2008-07-08T17:11:00.000-05:00

I started this blog so I could talk out--well TYPE out--some of my thoughts or just sharing about my life.

I am a small town girl who married her high school sweetheart. I have four kids--Bryen, 11, Chase, 9, Dylan 6, and Eric 5.

God called my husband into ministry fairly early into our marriage. I joke about how God called him after we were married otherwise I would have never married him...lol Its just something I wasn't prepared to be called to do. Still to this day I feel like God made a HUGE mistake..lol Like most in ministry--we ran from the call. Right now we are feeling our way through and letting God direct our steps. Who knows where we will end up but part of me is excited to see where this journey leads.

At this time we are youth ministers at Crossroads UPC. We have an incredible group of kids. When we took the position we gained 15 more "kids" They are our heart. Check em out--www.myspace.com/wiredyouthministries

This blog is daily musings from my journey of discovering who God wants me to become. Like the old phrase--Im not who I was---or who I am suppose to be. Its such an honor that God would call me to do anything for Him. I was such a mess! Who am I kidding...I STILL AM!

Im raising four young men--I may have a future evangelist, pastor, youth minister---or a rare man that is just content working behind the scenes raising his own family in truth-- in my home. Its nothing we should ever take lightly--but some days we just miss the mark and forget.

Listening for His Voice

2008-07-08T12:34:00.000-05:00

Its as if I am walking through a valley in my life right now. Nothing horrific has happened--I haven't committed some awful sin. I just feel God has put me here to soul search--to draw closer to Him.

Everything in my life is great--I have an awesome husband, good kids--the new home we have been praying for. But admist all of that my heart is hungry for more. (Not more children or a new husband mind you...lol ) But I feel like there is more He has in store for us.

There are times like now where I just simply can not find the words to speak--no eloquent prayers--nothing. I just don't know where this path is taking me and all I can do is trust that He is in control.

I have learned that music is so very very healing in these times though. Songs speak the words my heart feels when I don't have the strength to say a word.....

My current favorite is All I can Say by David Crowder Band. Its on my playlist...Give it a listen....

Constant Journey

2008-07-07T13:28:00.000-05:00

I am at a point in my life where God is dealing with me in certain areas...healing me in others. I don't ever want to play the "victim" I have certainly had my share of hurts but I want to learn to overcome.

God has always been my source of strength and now is no different. IT seems as if some of the trials I have went through in the past few years have made me REALLY step back and examine myself and my beliefs. Don't get me wrong--I still have the same ol' convictions I always have. But my focus is just different. Its deeper than the "thou shalt nots"

Its about the inner person....its about my heart. I know what my desires are. I know I'm not the person I once was---or who I SHOULD be.

Somewhere along the way I put up some walls and tearing them down is so much tougher than putting them up.